Dear Diary,

Are we that really close enough for me to know that you were that way, naturally yelling at other people for someone else's fault? Or the way you make frank statement as a joke? I already give you too many chances. I always put aside anything that you do to take care of other people's feelings, to make both parties win. But I think today you went over the fence. Nak lepas marah, kat tempat dan orang lain please. Bukan dekat aku. Sebab aku bukan org yang buat kau marah. Ke memang aku? Hmm apa apa laa kau.

BUT what about me?! My feelings ?! Do I look like someone who will get offended easily? Ohh yeahh. We're not that close enough to know each other right. You dont know  me, but I do know you. Atleast I know you and your big mouth. But do u know me?! Yeah. let me tell u once. I get offended easily when I think it's not fair for me. Yes I picked up everything what people said and I swallow them all for you. But when I had enough, I think all of it is like pushing, strugling to get out. That is my feeling.

I may laugh, giggle and joke around. But remember, Im a girl and I have my sensitive feelings too. I dont tell people that I'm more sensitive when I have my PMS or whatsoever BS you might thought about. That's just a lame excuse. I always ended up crying alone without anyone to help me soothe my sorrowness. That's just how lame my day is, everytime I ended up screwing myself for such a horrible day without anyone there to help and listen to my story, no matter how stupid the excuse is. The one that I called s\is busy and the one that I hope to help, got something else to settle. Yeah, walking home alone, teary up is 'fun' you know. You should try it sometimes and see how deep the cut is.

I think it's not fair for someone who is angry with someone else and then blurt it all out on me, face to face, eyes to eyes. Just because I kinda looked attached to them. I just wonder why people always expect me to accept just who they are when they never ever try to understand how do I feel at the same time. I always put others first than me, but I;m just wondering why people can't do the same for me.

I am not asking or expecting for people to return my deeds but won't u feel the same way as I do? It's not that Im asking for return regarding my sincerity. Haishh. It's too hard to describe to explain it in words. And it is so hurtful when you're crying and hoping that someone would text u, asking that u're ok or not. Yes, if u ever ask that, I will say i'm ok but you know what?! I'm a bad lier.  Seriously I am.

Nevermind. Everything that happened today has already passed and happened. And that's why I told you already I rather sat or busy-ing myself behind counters, issueing vouchers and wrapping rather than being a so-called M** for a day. Because I know something like this would come up. I told you alreaday. Does this look fun? I dont know. Can I handle this everyday? You ask yourself. Hm ok. I wanna sleep now. I still have to work tomorrow ( eventhough I have thought about getting a MC or unpaid leave). I'm just physically and emotionally tired.


It's like catch a grenade for you. I jump in front of the train for ya. You know I'll do anything for ya. But you won't do the same.
Goodnight